Fishing Squad

Some of my best memories from childhood involve fishing with my dad. I would get the line tangled beyond repair, say something like, “You want to trade?” and then wait for a bite while he cut through layers of mono and retied hooks. At the time it was great and I caught a lot of fish. Now that I’m an adult with two terrible fisherman of my own, I understand what he went through.

In order for Liam to catch this lake monster I had to disentangle his brother’s ankles from fishing line, uncross three poles, unwrap a rod tip, and remove a hook from my hand. It was glorious.

February in Review

Maintaining a blog about children is very difficult. It entails sorting through pictures from my phone, transferring them to the computer, uploading them to the blog and then writing something kind and relevant. This is usually made harder by the fact I would rather watch Netflix, read, or do anything other than write nice things about the kids that were just crying because I told them to brush their teeth.

And every night is weird.  Last night for example we went and watched Baylor play baseball at University of Houston. A nice time was had by all. When we get home, I hop in the shower, Jackson pees on the tile before getting in with me. Liam tries to do the same.

Rachel says, “Liam you can’t pee on the floor.”

He says, “I’m going to pee in the shower.”

“Go for it!” she says.

But at this point Jackson and I are in the shower. Rachel doesn’t really care that it is improper etiquette to pee in a shower in which others are bathing because she is cleaning Jackson’s urine off the floor. So she is cleaning pee, Jackson and I are in the shower, Liam takes off his pants, opens the shower door, stands outside and starts peeing on our feet.

“What are you doing?” I asked.

“Peeing in the shower,” he said.

Moments later he finished, closed the door, and walked away.

Of course, I still love these people and here are some highlights from the past month:

We went hiking.

Liam met Hakeem Olajuwon

There was a cowboy day at school

We flew a kite

 

Jackson (still about 20 pounds and wearing 6 - 9 month clothes) was bit in the face by a bug 

Every time we try playing a sport - be it baseball, soccer, football or golf - Jackson will pull down his pants before running for the ball.  Little League will be fun.   

30 Second Golfing Cowboy

Google Photos takes all of my terrible pictures and videos and compiles them into short movies.  This one combines our trip to the golf course with Liam's first time riding a horse.     

The music is uplifting, the filter is nostalgic and the story seamlessly transitions from two children on a driving range to one child riding his favorite horse.  If you are into kids, horses, or golfers that need work, this is a top notch film.       

A Celebration of Three Years

Liam's third birthday was superhero themed.  The balloons, plates, napkins, cakes and assorted novelty items paid homage to our nation's animated peacekeepers.

It was very cold and very wet.  Kid's still bounced.  Many likely got sick.   

Everyone ate cake. 

People wore children while making capes and masks at the "Build Your Own Cape & Mask Station"

The youths slapped around an overly-well built pinata.   

I made conversation and solid eye contact with this beer. 

And that was about it.  The next day the weather was better and Liam continued to party.

He bounced for about three hours.

Drove around his new car.

And ate dinner at Papasito's where he was presented with a large hat and festive song.

Thank you to everyone that helped him celebrate.  He had an amazing time and is incredibly grateful for all of the cards, gifts and attention.   

Battling a Ditch Monster

This video is about a month old but I figured it deserved a place on the internet.

Two minutes and thirty seconds into this thrill ride of a YouTube, gator wranglers snag a primordial giant, lasso the nose, drag it onto shore and tie it to a tree.   

For those of you without the time or patience for a YouTube, here's a picture of Rachel bidding the beast adieu.    

An Assortment of Nice Pictures

Having completed our Christmas trip to Florida, I can now post some of the pictures taken by Pink Owl Studios.

Nothing says suburban Christmas like a wooden box. 

Merry Christmas from the Swanburgs

Although we took professional pictures a month ago, I'm not allowed to post them online until after Christmas for fear my mother will paper her walls in low resolution enlargements.  So instead I give you the 2015 Christmas card. 

 

If you don't get a one in a few days it is because we don't have your address, we didn't think you'd want one, or your mailman hates you. 

Nature Speaks to the Young

After our nightly trip to the mailbox I reentered the house through the side door as Liam went to the front. When he didn’t appear inside I went to the window and observed him pulling up his pants. When I asked what he was doing he matter-of-factly responded, “I peed a little bit.”

This 30 second video was pulled from the security cameras and has no sound. It is just a young man standing on the walkway, quietly dropping his pajama pants, lifting his shirt, arching his back, and confidently urinating on the lawn before reentering our home.  It is a classic power move.  

Halloween 2015

This year our family consisted of three pirates and a shark. We got dressed up, went trick-or-treating, came home and told the children they were too young to eat candy.

Sharks don't need pants.

Everyone is happy

Arrrrrrrrrrr

Still no pants.

Liam & Jackson, if you are older now and reading this, I want you to know your mother and I stole your candy. We ate all of it after you went to sleep. It was awesome and we love you.

The Last White Onesie

In his first year of life J accomplished everything one could hope to accomplish.  He grew a couple of teeth, learned a few words ("Mama", "Dada", "Yes", "No", "Done"), he claps, points, runs, climbs, and grabs everything within forty inches of the floor. He is an amazing, beautiful, seventeen pound fifteen ounce, little man with predilections for chewing shoes and paper.
       

If you are feeling nostalgic, click the baby by month label and take a trip down memory lane.

11 Months, Four Teeth

During his tenth months of life J expanded his hobbies to include pulling things out of the recycling bin, pressing his face against glass, and running with choking hazards in his mouth.

He’s a feathery 18.8 pounds and a long way from receiving a MacArthur Genius Award.

Jackson's Quilt

On our recent trip to California Aunt Barbara and Uncle Jake met us at the hotel and left us with a quilt for Jackson. The detail and craftsmanship are amazing. The love and care that went into every hand-stitch is unimaginable.

The picture does the masterpiece no justice but we can’t thank you enough. It is beautiful.  It is perfect.

Champions of Fall Fishing

October is a great month in Texas. Not only do we have pumpkins and hay bales, but we have fish.  Big, beautiful fish. 

Here I am with a Redfish 

Here is the Captain with a Ray. 

Here is the Captain with a Redfish.

Here is Liam with a catfish. 

Here is J wondering why I didn’t put clothes on him before fishing / getting the mail. In retrospect it was a reasonable question.

Autumnal Highlights

Having made it to fall we now spend our days doing all things pumpkin related and the kids are excited.

Here we are taking a family picture. J’s “you-people-are-idiots” look is on point.  Liam's isn't far behind.

Here they are stuffing a scarecrow. This actually went pretty well until everyone gave up and decided the maternity clothed tatterdemalion was going to have the facial features of a pig.

Here is the end result. Just a few members of a super-happy family and its scarecrow.

Bees. So Many Bees.

One day these bees show up on the porte cochere. The next day I met an apiarist from the Fort Bend Beekeepers Association. The day after that she is at my house coaxing the swarm into tiny wooden boxes with plans to keep them for herself.

It was all perfectly suburban until the beekeeper invited me outside and encouraged me to remain calm as I got stung in the eye.

The 10 Month Wanderlust

Since Jackson refused to sit down long enough to take a proper portrait, this is how we shall remember him: an upstanding young man perfectly satisfied with the taste of his index finger.

This post would have been up a few days ago but Rachel and I left both children with her parents and traveled off to Jekyll Island, Georgia for the wonderful wedding of Tommy and Stephanie. The three day excursion was the longest I’ve gone without watching an episode of Bubble Guppies in more than two years and it felt really good. 

First Day of School

Today, having reached the prime academic age of 2.7 years old, Liam matriculated at the Southminster School.  For three days a week, he will socialize, sing, nap, pray, eat glue, and do his best not to get overly excited and piss his pants.

 
In preparation for his first day of class Rachel packed him a backpack, a lunch box, a nap mat, water containers, a placemat, a change of clothes, a blanket, love notes, and all of the assorted sundries necessary for one to succeed in the world from the hours of 9am – 2pm. Unfortunately she forgot a chalkboard so rather than holding up a perfectly crafted sign to commemorate the event, she had him hold up a blank sheet of paper on to which I Photoshopped the words above.

Good luck, we love you, and never stop smiling.   

9 Month Old Lives Simple, Happy Life

At nine months old, the toothless young man pictured below spends the majority of his day hiding in tents and getting tackled by his brother. 

The following video captures a heated game of arm flapping and peek-a-boo that ends with his brother declaring an immediate intention to poop.

Unrelated to anything above, this next one is all about Liam landing a child-sized catfish on his new Ironman rod and reel.
 

If you have 43 seconds and a desire to watch the world's greatest, standard definition, vertically filmed fishing video, turn up the volume, press play and enjoy the ride.