King of the Bobs

In the previous post I mentioned flying to Florida to see my dad on his 70th birthday.  This is what it looked like:   

Heavy is the head that wears the crown. 

Week 5: Dripping Swag Out the Onesie

This post is coming a little late because I spent the last three days celebrating my dad’s 70th birthday but here he is. Liam at week 5. As of last Monday his head had grown 4 cm in the span of two weeks, his body expanded to roughly two feet in length, and he tipped the midget scale at roughly 10 lbs 12 ozs.

I celebrated by generously Photoshopping him into a custom onesie with a gold and diamond pacifier.       

Week 4: Making Friends with Giants

In his first month of life, Rachel has dressed our child in countless ill conceived outfits that amuse her to no end.  Denim jeans that are too large, shirts that are too warm, socks with grips on the bottom in case he magically decides to stand.  He is our living, breathing manikin that we have yet to drop.  

I wish I was old enough to rollover and hide my face

And since the Guerra's were in Houston this weekend and Liam doesn't leave the house for anyone but the doctor, Christian and Sarah came over with their 4 month old, 19 pound man-child, Gavin.

A wonderful time was had by all. 

Week 3: Finding a Happy Place

During his third week of life, Liam's mother got him to smile on camera.  She didn't remember to hold the phone horizontally and she didn't keep the star entirely in the shot but she got him to smile and that counts for something. 

For those of you with a horrible lack of patience, here is a screen grab from the 20 second mark.

Happy as a toothless clam.

Super Bowl Weekend

Grandpa Bob and Grandma Sherry were in town this weekend to meet little Liam. He impressed them with his large eyes, soft hair, and rapier wit.

It was mutual love at first sight.      

Week 2: A Vision in Black & White

Liam’s second week of life was highlighted by a couple baths, a few laps around the block, and a lot of growing. According to the baby doctor he is up to about 9 lbs and according to me he looks smarter.

Liam's the Name and Making the Pee Pee's my game. 

On Sunday Phil was kind enough to take pictures of young Wrinkles in his element.  Here are some of the best turned into a Shutterfly announcement.  Enjoy.

The Cat's Reaction to the Baby has Been Strongly Negative

Since most people that look at baby pictures on the internet also enjoy cats, it is probably worth noting that Kip hates young Liam.  He stares at the child from a distance, runs away at the sound of tears, and seems to realize that his tail is a few months away from being used as a pull start.

I'z plannin an attak

The next worst day of his life will come when we get a dog.  On that day Kip will either run away or piss on everything we own. 

One Week of Milk Farts

Is that a titty?

I'd write something interesting down here but research tells me that 99% of internet users skip blocks of text preceded by large images of a small children.  I'll save my whimsy for another post.   

The Many Faces of a Four Day Old Child

Ends bath with an elephant towel

Wears lumberjack attire

Shits in diapers.

He is an amazing little man.

Welcome Home

After two days in the hospital Liam has come home and the overwhelming sense of love Rachel and I have for this child is indescribable.

If the time is a few years from now and Liam is actually reading this, know your mother and I have always loved you unconditionally.  From the moment we saw you, you were ours and we were yours.   

Welcome to the World

On Wednesday at 2:45 Rachel and I went to Memorial Herman hospital for a check up.  Everything seemed fine but the baby wasn’t moving.  As a precaution the doctor booked us a room on the 3rd floor with plans to induce in the morning at 4AM.

We checked in, I went out to pick up dinner and that night we stayed at the hospital.

The nurse strolled in at 4AM, hooked up the Pitocin and by 6AM things were happening.  By 7AM Rachel was in pain so they gave her an epidural. By 7:20 the pain was gone.  Five hours later she was pushing and 20 minutes after that we had a beautiful 7lb 13.5oz, 21 inch, baby boy.


William Harrison Swanburg was born Thursday, January 17, 2013 at 2:03 PM.

39 Weeks and Counting

With the baby only days away, Rachel has taken to using her stomach as a table and waddling around like an arthritic penguin.

It is the culmination of a long beautiful process.  

Kicking Baby, Kicks

This poorly shot 10 second video gives the virtual world a brief glimpse into the terrifying reality of child development.

If you can't commit to watching the whole 10 second clip, Liam makes a solid breakout attempt around the 6 second mark.

Liam's First Christmas Gift

If Liam is anything like his dad, one day he‘ll run out of his room -or simply send a futuristic tweet- explaining that he hates me because I don’t buy him things. “You’re a jerk”, he’ll say. “You’re not my dad”, he’ll say.

At that point I’ll forward my sweet child a link to this post, remind him of the time I bought him this awesome hat / sock combo and all will be forgiven.

“I was once that small?” he’ll say.  

“Yes you were.” I’ll say.

"Have I always been a Bear?" he'll say.

"Since before you were born." I'll say. 

Liam's Final Prebirthday Picture

Friday was the last sonogram. The baby is currently a hairy 6lbs 8ozs and looks to be an amorphous space cloud.

This is something. 

At the current stage babies grow at least a half pound a week.  If he makes it to January 21st, 4 weeks time, that would put him at 8lbs 8ozs.  The doctor thinks he may show up a little earlier.  Let’s hope he photographs better in color. 

In Case You Didn't Get a Christmas Card, This is What it Looked Like

The picture is from Thanksgiving. The message is from TinyPrints.com. If you were one of the lucky few to receive a hardcopy, you know the end product was less of a card and more of an awkwardly large, narcissistic billboard for your home.

Holiday Preparations

Despite having a Thanksgiving hangover and a Jewish sounding last name, I was able to successfully assemble our Christmas tree without incident.

This has been my most successful home improvement project to date. 

US Grand Prix in Pictures

My parents flew in for this weekend’s Formula 1 event in Austin.

Thursday night we went to the Gristmill and Gruene Hall

Friday morning we ran into Adam and Cash before the practice sessions.

Friday evening I treated everyone to Chicken Express

Saturday was qualifying.  In addition to F1 cars they had GT3 Porches . . .

and Ferraris driven by accident prone men of wealth.

 Rachel enjoyed the urinals

My dad enjoyed the turn 12

 And the sea of humanity enjoyed wrapping themselves in Mexican flags and European sized shirts.

In the end, Hamilton passed Vettel to win the race

 and we had a very nice time as a family.

The End. 

83 Days Until I Flood the Internet With Baby Pictures

Back when I started FamilyOfSwans I assumed we would be getting sonograms 4 times a week and I would be updating this blog all the time with interesting things related to my wife being pregnant or me being awesome. 

None of that was true.

We haven’t seen the baby in a few months, my wife isn’t that interesting, and I’m in no way awesome.  Over the last week:

We got our curb painted to match our flag.

Rachel got bigger.

And we hung this glowing skeleton by the door in preparation for Halloween. 

A single post seems like more than ample coverage of such events. 

Baby Update

According to a website that compares unborn children to vegetables, William Harrison Swanburg, aka Liam, is currently the size of a 15 inch, 2.2 pound cucumber.